Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
