I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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