I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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