i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
