Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
