sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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