butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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