Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
