I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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