Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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