The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
