Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
