Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
