Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
