You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
