12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
