We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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