Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
