My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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