Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
