Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
