i just google imaged poop.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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