Someone shit on the floor
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
