i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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