i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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