Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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