but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
