Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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