whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
