dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
high people should be assigned attendants
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
