problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
