I wanna passion pit in your ass
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
