it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
