i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
