i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
