I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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