No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
