We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
