mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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