yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
