6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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