Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
