sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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