We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
