I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
