Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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