So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
