why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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