Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
