I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
