I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
