I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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