Me. At least after what I've been through.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
