I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
