You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
