I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
