fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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