my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
