there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
