I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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