what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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